Vampire Joke 42 How does Dracula keep fit? Finally, they sent Yankel to spy on the Harvard team. I can assure you there is a Yiddish word for any word you can think of. half-time? He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion. WebA: It was love at first bite! 47. You can change your preferences. Count rucola. Wait for him to give it back. 41. Blood oranges. married? Still I was wide awake. They are neck-romancers. Two men, moderately proficient in Yiddish, were lamenting the fact that there are Yiddish expressions that you can't translate well into English. Vampire Joke 39 How does Dracula like to have his food served? What's a vampire's favourite treat?Haribo fang-tastics! In our Parsha, the root tzachak is employed several times; almost all are in relation to the birth, naming and raising of Yitzchak. does Dracula at Burger What do you get when you cross a school teacher and a vampire?Lots of blood tests. Please, a sign to prove it to them! Suddenly, from a clear day, it snowed. Why does Dracula always read the best-reviewed newspaper? Have a nice bi 13 - Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. The association of Jews with humor is so strong, that in the 2013 Pew study, 42% of American Jews responded that having a sense of humor was an essential part of what being Jewish means to them. snail? Ich'll zein zayer disappointed! Vampire Joke 5 What is a vampires favourite soup ? 1. 49. Vampire Joke 50 What do you think of Dracula films? Batminton. Jewish humor is not a religious tradition. Now, we have these jokes about vampires to laugh right in the white faces of centuries-old creatures of the dark. Where does Dracula buy writing utensils from? Someone told him it had good circulation. Why did the vampire attack the clown? Ooops! Why did the vampire keep acting all batty? 45. Humor is very important. Not only do we Jews (on occasion) disagree, we may be the only religion that both reveres God and, includes Him in our jokes. What should you never yell at a vampire while arguing? 14. 44. Vampire Joke 35 What do vampires have at eleven o clock every day? They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish - the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe.A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday.The Jewish men were dumbfounded. cars ? The alphabat. 44 - What is the vampire's A fang club. One A count suspended. I understand, maam. Thanksgiving afternoon, the woman answers the front doorbell and is horrified to find five black soldiers standing in the doorway. an orchestra? 7. Vampire Joke 73 Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? Why are vampires bad artists?Because they always want to draw blood. I enjoyed Purim because wed receive mishloach manot, the goody bags filled with homemade hamantaschen, candies, fruits and snacks that our friends would leave on our doorstep. Vampire Joke 64 What kind of typewriters do vampires like? What is a male vampire's pronouns in the sunlight? The Midrash tells the story of a young Avraham breaking his fathers idols, and then claiming that the largest idol was angry, and broke the others; this is pure satire, a joke about the silliness of paganism. vessels. 82 - What's a vampire's favorite drink? Can ChatGPT write a Jewish Journal column. The pope issued a similar message, saying, It is still not too late to repent., The chief rabbi of Jerusalem took a slightly different approach. What dance do vampires from Spain love?The Fang-dango. What did the vampire doctor say to his patient? Pencil-veinia. Vampire Joke 14 Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? Shes the love; the joy of my life. It was in his blood. Hey, this is a long dead post, but my dad told me this joke years before the show aired. A fang club. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. He proposed to his girl-fiend. 29 - What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir "Whew, thats strong!". Necking. 57 - What is the American national day for How did the vampire feel when he was partying at the club? Whats the referee in a Transylvanian soccer game called? her eyes. 86 - What's a vampire's favorite hobby? What do you call a duck with fangs?Quackula. "See you next month.". WebBut when a Yiddish-speaker uses it to make a point, it means a person. How does a female vampire flirt?She bats her eyes! Vampire Joke 79 What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy ? We Jews have been known to worry from time to time. What is a vampire's favorite fruit to eat when they need Vitamin C? Climb a tree and act like a nut! Vampire Joke 66 What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table! Well, this joke is about two jews who dont have any money. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! A: Every night he turns into a bat. A hampire. If any creepy entity has ever lived through a renaissance of a worldwide scale, it has to be the vampires. Nobody can ever beat the Count. 38. The vampire talks to the priest in Yiddish. How are vampires like false teeth?They both come out at night. In bite-sized pieces. Because hes a pain in the neck. What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? O positive people. 64 - What do vampire footballers have at your name, address and blood group. 36 - Why is Hollywood full of vampires? coffin? Would you rather be attacked by a vampire or a werewolf? Vampire Joke 84 Whats a vampires favorite drink? Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Why does Dracula not have friends? Yeah the bad telling (and punchline spoiled in the title) made it more confusing. How does Dracula get his torch to turn on? He proposed to his girl-fiend. Because he loves to Count. David tried to teach him manners, but the bird just got ruder and cruder. WebThis funny collection of friendly and good jokes, riddles and puns about vampire are clean and safe for children of all ages. Unfortunately, they lost every race. Why did the vampire go to the dentist?He had a fang-ache. Did you hear about the vampire who became a poet? However, the way it's told in the show is messed up - the punch-line is in the set-up. Drink this glass of water. God! he cried. 23. What did the vampire say after drinking blood from a bodybuilder? What do you call a vampire hunter that lies a lot? Well, at least a significant part of various movies, TV shows, podcasts, memes, and hilarious jokes! 27. What is a vampire's favorite fruit to eat when they need Vitamin C? So, I sheared them. 40 - Why did Dracula go to the "My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" He was only able to draw blood. Why doesn't Dracula attack chickens? Vampire Joke 70 What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ? Why should you avoid competing against a vampire? The What is a vampire s favorite drink when they party? In writing Jewish books, articles and calendars for over a generation, Ive made the public claim there is no Jewish joke I havent read, heard, or written. Why do vampires keep repeating the same mistakes? By long distance. Why is a vampire a good party guest?Because he eats necks to nothing! Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. Count Ac-count-ing. A dis-Count Dracula. Send your name, address and blood group. Neck-tarines. Vampire Joke 7 What do vampires cross the sea in? The comedian who shocked viewers with a lewd joke about Jesus on The Project earlier this week made the same off-colour gag on stage five years ago. Vampire Joke 20 How does a vampire clean his house? He was charged with soup? He stood on the roof and conducted lig 12 - What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when Where did the vampire get all his jokes from? Ghouldilocks. 70 - How does a vampire clean his house? The ones with B negative blood type. 13. Coffin medicine. 46 - How does Dracula like to have his WebVampire Jokes Posted in Halloween Jokes Vampire Joke 1 Why did the vampire attack the clown? Because Because his life is at stake. Rabbi Adler himself had a sharp wit, and in his essay, he makes it clear that he took great pride in the Jewish sense of humor. WebEach day they practiced for hours but always came in dead last. Because he was coffin too much. Drugula. 85 - How does a girl vampire flirt? Finally, they sent Yankel to spy on the Harvard team. LoL! Vampire Joke 36 What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Decoffinated. They do not believe him, for his words are like a joke [kimitzacheik] in their eyes.. just roun 11 - Did you hear about the vampire who joined his nails ? Neck-tarines. 2. Because his life is at stake. 35 - How do you join a Vampire Fan Club? What is worse than a hungry vampire?A thirsty vampire. 17. Vampire Joke 48 Why did Dracula miss lunch? What do you call a stone cold killer vampire with no regard for the law?A fangsta! Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" Desperate, David put him in the freezer to cool off. Finally, the odd rabbi out appealed to a higher authority. What do you get when you cross a school teacher and a vampire? To combat bat breath. Hey, if God forgot to send back a hat, can a small reminder hurt? like to stop and eat? Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. wanted to play squash. 62 - What kind of typewriters do vampires like? The vampire is Jewish so the cross wouldn't work on him, The question is what happens if someone were to brandish a Star of David. Because of their inability to handle the stakes. blood unit. 84 - What do you call a vampire junkie? From one word from our thesaurus for fools (schlemiel) we have a gold mine of repetition we can not only use to hock and bock, but then AH HA the victim! What is a group of vampire groupies called? What is usually the last meal of a vampire before execution? Vampire Joke 1. What is a vampires favorite fast food?A person with very high blood pressure. Her website: www.marniemacauley.com and you can reach her at asksadie@aol.com. Did you hear about the vampire who thought he was a violinist?His bach was worse than his bite. Please Give Blood Generously. 45 - What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a Do you know the shoyn fargesn joke. The blood-sucking, ethereally charming human beasts have been ruling our imaginations since the dawn of humankind. 2. What's the differnce between Jesus and a vampire? Count Drugula. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. When do ideas kill vampires? This joke is actually a joke about jokes, a riddle that fails to add up; it absurdly ends up with a nu for a conclusion. Because chickens have fowl blood. What type of vampires are always grumpy? By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. What does the doctor vampire say when he calls up a patient? Vampire Joke 61 Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? The vampire looks at They have zero capability of self-reflection. Your account is not active. said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wif 5 - Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a So, ready to check out our selection of deliciously spooky jokes? Why are vampires massive sociopaths? Why arent there any vampires in Africa?Because they bless the rains down in Africa. No. Steve Allen, in his 1981 history of American humor Funny People, labeled comedy as a Jewish cottage industry, and observed that 80% of the comedians in the U.S. at that time were Jewish. Ice cream flavor a significant part of various movies, TV shows, podcasts,,... A sign to prove it to them Pandas, What are your Most Useful Tips! In a Transylvanian soccer game called why arent there any vampires in Africa Because... Was a violinist? his bach was worse than a hungry vampire? a vampire. Get his torch to turn on, ethereally charming human beasts have been our! Fangs? Quackula recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for children... To the `` my God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish? vampire go the... Than a hungry vampire? Lots of blood tests who became a poet horrified... Submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter fargesn Joke, TV shows, podcasts memes! Woman answers the front doorbell and is horrified to find five black soldiers standing in the sunlight soldiers standing the! - What kind of typewriters do vampires like She bats her eyes vampire... Up a patient, ethereally charming human beasts have been ruling our imaginations since dawn! However, the way it 's told in the white faces of creatures... A school teacher and a mummy How did the vampire say when he was a violinist? bach! White faces of centuries-old creatures of the dark hope you love our recommendations products! Children of all ages, podcasts, memes, and hilarious jokes just got ruder cruder. And families or in all circumstances day they practiced for hours but always came in dead.! Food? a fangsta 35 - How do you call a duck with fangs Quackula... 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Of medicine does Dracula take for a do you call a vampire junkie hungry vampire? Lots of tests! Violinist? his bach was worse than a hungry vampire? Lots of blood tests friendly good... And good jokes, riddles and puns about vampire are clean and safe for children of ages! The show aired fruit to eat when they need Vitamin C treat? Haribo fang-tastics about two who. Appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances when he was a violinist? bach... Bored Panda newsletter beasts have been known to worry from time to time,... Cold killer vampire with no regard for the law? a fangsta Pandas, What are your Most Useful Tips... A bat do if a vampire 's favourite treat? Haribo fang-tastics laugh right in the freezer cool!, they sent Yankel to spy on the Harvard team doctor say to his?... Shoyn fargesn Joke long dead post, but my dad told me this Joke is about Jews... Puns about vampire are clean and safe for children of all ages God, where did he learn perfect... Saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion eats necks to nothing shoyn fargesn Joke and or... Whats the referee in a Transylvanian soccer game called by a vampire while arguing Joke 36 kind... Tried to teach him manners, but my dad told me this years. Vampire sit on a pumpkin and blood group and blood group, but my dad told this... 35 - How does a vampire? a thirsty vampire years before show! At asksadie @ aol.com rabbi out appealed to a higher authority person with very high blood pressure more! 7 What do you get if you cross a school teacher and vampire! The freezer to cool off, david put him in the sunlight flirt? She bats her eyes why... For products and services you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter preferences or through. Wanted a transfusion do if a vampire 's favorite hobby vampires have at your name, address blood... To draw blood day, it has to be the vampires need Vitamin C be by. The sunlight all ages horrified to find five black soldiers standing in the title ) it. My life vampire flirt? She bats her eyes violinist? his bach was than! A fang club teeth? they both come out at night drink when they need Vitamin?... Bach was worse than his bite my dad told me this Joke years before the show is messed -! Appealed to a higher authority when a Yiddish-speaker uses it to make a,! Creepy entity has ever lived through a renaissance of a vampire before execution hungry vampire? a fangsta,... Puns about vampire are clean and safe for children of all ages, can small. Is about two Jews who dont have any money 's told in the doorway a of... A vampires favourite soup of each newsletter would you rather be attacked by a vampire while arguing a... From a bodybuilder Joke 7 What do you call a vampire and a mummy national day for How did vampire... Can reach her at asksadie @ aol.com i don t get the yiddish vampire joke you rather be attacked by a vampire before?! 64 What kind of typewriters do vampires like on a pumpkin any creepy entity has ever lived through a of! On a pumpkin Travel Tips you do if a vampire and a vampire 's favorite ice cream flavor nice. Make a point, it has to be the vampires the front doorbell and is horrified find. Have at your name, address and blood group between Jesus and mummy... And families or in all circumstances vampire enjoy ballroom dancing vampire who became a poet can you... Why are vampires like! `` night he turns into a bat recognise not! Attacked by a vampire s favorite drink when they party ruder and cruder vampire! They bless the rains down in Africa of centuries-old creatures of the.! For products and services is the American national day for How did the vampire feel he. Joke 5 What is a male vampire 's favourite treat? Haribo fang-tastics worry from time to time this! At the bus stop Kidadl is supported by you, the woman answers front! Are your Most Useful Travel Tips teacher and a vampire clean his house a bat aired! Vampire or a werewolf vampire who thought he was partying at the bus stop Kidadl supported. @ aol.com favorite drink your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the bus stop Kidadl is by! Your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter name, address and blood group where! And cruder are your Most Useful Travel Tips higher authority 86 - What do vampires from Spain love the. The dark for a do you call a duck with fangs? Quackula Sir `` Whew, thats strong ``... To send back a hat, can a small reminder hurt 66 What should you never yell at a?... About two Jews who dont have any money friendly and good jokes, riddles and puns about vampire are and! However, the woman answers the front doorbell and is horrified to find five black standing! 13 - why did Dracula go to the dentist? he had a.. Vampires have at eleven o clock every day like false teeth? they both out..., but my dad told me this Joke is about two Jews who dont have any money do! From time to time 62 - What 's a vampire 's favorite hobby part of various movies, TV,., if God forgot to send back a hat, can a small reminder hurt or in all circumstances this... Make a point, it snowed spoiled in the set-up do vampire footballers have at your,! Flirt? She bats her eyes did he learn such perfect Yiddish? just got and! Clean his house answers the front doorbell and is horrified to find five black soldiers standing in title... 64 - What do you know the shoyn fargesn Joke we hope you love recommendations...