Two radio and four television series have presented this spoof television and radio presenter through his career - as well as several TV and radio specials, two books, a web series, plus appearances on BBC's Comic Relief and a feature length film Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa. Knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you, Glenn Ponder. In fact, it's happened, it's over, it's already happened, you are a sacked man. You know what this room says to me? Alan Partridge: No, that's a bit too far-fetched. 16. And then he peers down the periscope thing and looks through it and goes, "Oh my God. Can I No, in fact I'll just repeat the question. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. And, er, he's just skiing along like that, and they start shooting at him, and he goes, "Right! But what is the burning issue? Alan: "Oh come on." [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. How are you? [Alan's employees leave the building by climbing down the outside fire escape stairway]. Maybes, maybes just have, like, a beefburger for your palm, y'know? Sonja: "The Spy Who Loved Me" is a brilliant film. OK, uh small-talk. Have you had your breakfast this morning, Robert? [5] The spy who loved me is keeping all my secrets safe tonight - and then one more big swing from the woman; legs go right up - ooh, what was that? debut album Tony Hayers: Alan, this is Peter Linehan, he's revamping our current affairs output. . I mean medium height. I am Roger Moore. I mean, people forget that traders need access to * DIXONS *! In 2021, Partridge now exists almost as its own entity, separate from Coogan, and has provided the general public with more quotes (most of which are now part of the daily lexicon) and memorable moments than we can even remember. Don't cry, ears, you're on the side of a lovely head! Even then it's going to weigh the best part of a ton. Jill: "What did you do eight years ago?" She's a drunk racist. And he turns round with his gun and then he does a backward somersault off this ramp, and he, he lands on his feet - I'm not sure why, but he's not showing off. The most horrific moment in Partridge history. The noise fizzled out of my back passage like a child calling for help. That was soft rock cocaine enthusiasts, Fleetwood Mac. Michael: Right. You're sacked! Everyone's here. [Susan looks bemused and slightly scared. The beginning of 'Alpha Papa' finds The Partridge in sweet motion at the wheel. And here are some of his most salient thoughts on cars 'Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa' is out on DVD and Blu-ray from Monday 2 December. Lynn Benfield : No, no, no, it's different. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? In a list drawn up by the British Film Institute in 2000, voted by industry professionals, I'm Alan Partridge was named the 38th best British television series of all time. Here are some tips and tricks to help you find the answer to 'Wordle' #620. Ooooooh, it's a good paper. She's my favourite. He's begging us, he's begging us man, 'No, please don't!' But then at the last minute Michael: He pulls a ripcord, right? You know, we intersperse it with their favourite pop songs, make it light-hearted, you know, give them a platform, you've got to keep the energy up, because [Tony shakes his head, horrified] You don't like it? Other great ideas Partridge had for television included Youth Hostelling with Chris Eubank, Inner-city Sumo and Monkey Tennis. Alan Partridge: You could, couldn't you, yes. Even more exciting, it has now been confirmed that Alans loyal yet long-suffering PA Lynn Benfield will also be returning for the new chat spoof. I'm not retreating, Pat's tugging me off. The proof is in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is a football Could someone clear that shit away, please? Fly over one of those boring families going on a cycling vacation. Egg and bacon. What a beautiful song. Will this show on my invoice?. Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. she is 14 years younger than me. This comment was his answer to the question of what is his favorite Beatles album. A sudden shot of fear ripped through my pre-pubic body. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - [Lynn has come to the hotel to tell Alan that she's negotiated a walnut gearknob for his new, smaller Rover]Alan Partridge: Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan?Lynn: Oh, I just threw it on.Alan Partridge: If you think you can upstage Jill by wearing that you're very much mistaken. 22. It was Joni Mitchells Big Yellow Taxi, a song in which Joni complains about paving heaven to set up a parking lot, a measure that would have actually reduced traffic jams on the outskirts of the city. She's living with a fitness instructor. The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. I dont like it: it hurts. Idea for film extravaganza. Enjoy it. He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Im 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me: Back of the net! Alan Partridge: I think he'll be a bit tougher than that, Lynn. Go and eat some coffee. But as I listened through the darkness I realized that something far worse was going on. It would burst wouldn't it? And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. ", Alan discusses honesty: "I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said 'How do I look?' You couldnt make it up. Plot, thus: Malcolm McDowell is trapped in the future. Alan Partridge: You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? Tony Hayers: It's not bollocks. Hello, Tony. Y'know, vandals, y'know? Michael: Oh, right. She can often be a bit of a life-saver for Alan too, always around to step in should the need arise. I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. My marriage fell apart soon after that. Which is French for water. Alan Partridge: [singing] Guaranteed to blow your mind! Britain has some of the safest roads in Europe. Whether quoting bits of Casualty as medical advice after Alan pierces his foot on a spike, sourcing the Toffos as Alan delivers a careers talk, or taking on tax inspectors after her bosss fraudulent claim on a ticket to see Shrek, shes always there to help when she can. Jill, what do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre? Alan Partridge: [while having sex] Do you mind if I talk? Even though we're basically just listing chocolate bars. I've locked you all in the boardroom so you don't get me. Lynn, I pierced my foot on a point! Another reason why Lynn is such a memorable character is Montagus performance. Lost in the depths of despair I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. No! You may or may not want to deploy these in real life. 'Alpha Papa' finds Alan Partridge at the centre of an armed siege at North Norfolk Digital, Alan on his failed marriage: "Actually the best thing I did, was to get thrown out by my wife. Partridge reveals his deep desires if he gets the chance to fly a helicopter. Although she occcasionally stood up to him,she was shot down by his skewed reasoning and banal putdowns. Credit: Audible. That's alright, that's OK "Inner-City Sumo". Alan Partridge: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. Alan Partridge: It's good this, isn't it? In badminton, if you win a rally, you get one point. He almost got dirty. Mind if I have a go? I love this house. Alan Partridge: I used to think "Ooohh she's nicer than my wife.". OK, uh small-talk. [Alan gets up from his seat and thrusts the cheese into Tony Hayers' face]. On now as we look at a fantastic year for - I'm going to be sick again. But fine, I'll sack her. Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. You, look at you, do you, uh go around drawing, I don't know, peephole bras on the wall? Alan Partridge: I'm getting the hang of this! Er, not like those massive Stephen King books, which should be on wheels, shouldn't they? What's going on?" From Matt Damon to Kim Kardashian: The dangers of influencers on small investors | Economy and business, Barry, Beatles, Billie: 60 Years of Bond Songs | Show biz, James Bonds best music, from the Beatles to Billie Eilish, Sir Paul McCartney promotes his new childrens book by posting classified ads, Today in the history of entertainment | Federal Information Network. And then yeah, you can stop doing that now. We're on a submarine. Share; Comments; News. But for the time being at least they have each other. [Alan is driving his Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset]. Alan Partridge: That's bollocks, but carry on. [Alan is having a disturbing of dream of himself as a male stripper, dancing in front of Tony Hayers]. Da, da, da - and now a really big bounce right over and I land on my feet. Estate Agent: Could swing a tiger in here, really! Fires. Alan then bursts in through the double doors]. Share on Facebook (opens in a new window), Share on Flipboard (opens in a new window). But I suppose shes a bit like Burt Reynolds. ", 17. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Alan Partridge: Ah, that is the best Valentine's Day I've had in eight years. Amid a deluge of scandals and a flux of (better) reality dating competition shows, 'The Bachelor' has lost its way. That's terrible. Shook Jackie Stewart's hand. 17. ", 10. Alan Partridge: Very cheap to make. Susan: [With a sunny smile] Good morning, Alan, how are you today? Mmm smells. Watch him in action at the wheel below By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Lynn Benfield: But you do have to make substantial savings. . Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a full moon! I'll tolerate one, but not both. Usually, I avoid opening boxes I dont recognise ever since, Meanwhile, for those of you on crowded public transport who chose not to say the words aloud, youll feel no different, and thats your own fault because, as I say, you lack class and are assholes., Aha!" Lynn: We might give you a second series. Very, sort of, high-tech, space age. Partridge tries to settle a heated dispute at a power station. Especially no Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNabb, which actually improves with every read. Let me tell you something about the Titanic, people forget, people forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg! Lynn is probably the most important supporting character in the Alan Partridge universe. A few years later, it was launched under the name ITV PLC. Cooking in prison. ", 8. Just bit., Tears streamed down my face. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Lynn Benfield: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?Alan Partridge: The good news.Lynn Benfield: Well, Rawlinson's say you can have another fifty of the shop-soiled chocolate oranges if you plug them again tomorrow.Alan Partridge: Excellent. It's called a Rover Metro now. Occupation I'd be hovering just down the road from his house, there. Alan Partridge: Calm down, Lynn! Superb. Jill: "Yeah, alright then. I, I, myself, would never shoot big game (and would hesitate to even lay traps for them). Not Christ. Bit like doing my radio show this, isn't it? Partridge only draws his words of wisdom from the best sources. Its clear that working in such an environment with Coogan is a recipe for corpsing disaster, but Montagu manages to channel every stifled laugh into Lynns character, every repressed giggle further building on a rumoured affection for her boss. And then, then he goes over a cliff and he's falling and you think, oh God, James Bond's going to die! From his doomed marriage to Carol via flings with Sonja and Jill - and the resolutely platonic relationship with PA Lynn - Partridge has seen it all before. Enjoy it. Is that it? 12 episodes were produced. "My bottom is itchy so I stop in the middle of the landing and scratch it lightly. "Her yelling continues until I answer the door to find her on her knees shouting through the letterbox, like a gynaecologist bellowing into a woman.". You feed beef burgers to swans. Keep saying 'Christ'. (talking to representative of a farming union): If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother. Partridge has a rather callous misunderstanding of a famous U2 song that is not about the misery of a Sunday but about a massacre that happened in Belfast in 1972. [Tony hasn't been poured any wine yet, so Alan just clinks his empty glass on the table]. Alan Partridge : I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro. Lynn: Good. And he's being chased by these Russian shits in black jumpsuits with lemon piping. No, it's alright, I was just portraying a madman. So, on her 30th birthday (the Lord knows how old the partridge is supposed to be), here are 30 of the best quotes and moments from North Norfolks favorite export. Art criticism was clearly not Partridges calling. I was supposed to hit that later. I heard a bit of commotion. The problem is what it doesn't say, Endeavour's final series is off to a classy and comforting start, Phew! He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quickly [Tony shakes his head] Think about it. Alan Partridge: Um Oh, very busy. Here's how to do it. Well, there ruddy well should be. Partridges sexy speech leaves a lot to the imagination. [He laughs and leaves the room], [He shuts the door. Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? Oh, I sound like the devil. 21. Now, Alison, you are a lady, I don't want this to be unpleasant Alan Partridge: Yeah, you're a rotten sh*t too, get your coat! Are they gold? Alan Partridge: Get rid of her, Lynn, she's a drunk and a racist! [Alan makes a long, drawn-out leering noise and giggles. Alan Partridge: 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. Dont. Top Alan Partridge Lynn Quotes Appearance rules the world. This book would fit ideally into, er, an attache case or the thigh pocket of a pair of fashionable combat trousers. Let's just pop the extractor . 5. I can imagine Buck Rogers taking a dump on that. That's English for stop a horse! But a happy one. The Galaxy Tab S7+ is back at its all-time low price plus more of the best deals of the day, Get a Roomba S9+ and Braava Jet m6 for under $1,000 plus more of today's best deals, Today's best deals include an Apple Watch Series 7 at its lowest price ever, a cheap Ninja blender, and more, It's time to put 'The Bachelor' out to pasture, Warner Bros. Publish Translation Find a translation for this quote in other languages: Er, I know some of you may be religious and to those people I apologi- Sorry. Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond videotapes had been recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the world competetion. ", 13. It's seven pounds six. Its one of British comedys most unlikely will-they-wont-they scenarios. LIKE our Facebook page here..http://on.fb.me/15xCXE6Visit our website here..http://alanpartridgeworld.com/10 Alan Partridge Quotes and clips that will ha. In Series 1, Lynnsrepeated attempts to sabotage Alans evening with Jill are apparent, and her reasons for her loyalty in the face of so little money her salary eventually rises to 9,500 could easily be based in romance. [Inspecting the bathroom in a house he wishes to purchase]. Alan Partridge to host This Morning style magazine show in BBC sitcom return, Im Alan Partridge at 20: what it was like to play Michael the Geordie, The making of Alan Partridge: from The Day Today to comedy icon. On keeping. "[My assistant]" Alan Partridge: They've rebadged it, you fool! Alan Partridge: Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan? Unforgotten can survive without Nicola Walker, Daisy Jones and The Six isn't as cool as it thinks but at least the music is good, In The Mandalorian season 3, Pedro Pascal is still thrilling and Grogu is still adorable, Quinta Brunson's brilliant Abbott Elementary lives up to the hype, On TV tonight, a new take on cult 1966 spaghetti Western Django, Sanjeev Bhaskar on the return of Unforgotten, Do not sell or share my personal information. I can read you like a book. It's very futuristic, isn't it? No, I'm basically saying I'm going to be checking out at the end of the week. Alan Partridge: I'm not haggling! I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war. He's not a criminal, you know, but he will, perhaps, travel 80mph on the motorway if, for example, he wants to get somewhere quicklyThink about it. I'd gan back to school. But a happy one. Alan Partridge: I do like that toilet. It's all right. Hmm, tricky. Look at that: not even listening. . Let's not get into who hit who or, you know, who may have deserved it. The pace of the Mgane is too quiet to be qualified as fast. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? mccartney wings Jason: Sorry, Alan, I meant to clean it last night. I sat on the edge of the bath, sobbing and eating a pork pie until the pie was gone - at which point I felt a heck of a lot better. 7. Bloody Sunday Sunday. How are you? Quotes.net. I figure that the more dirt I put in, the more helpful Ive been, and Im about to sweep in a second mound when I look up, my shirt sleeves stained jet brown by cacky soil, and I realise this isnt the done thing. If I squeeze it, a squirt of melted Bramley apple will shoot out. tv shows So that they can only be identified by reference to their dental records. I would wake up in the middle of the night and eat a whole Toblerone. Not my words, Carol, those are the words of Top Gear Magazine." But she also likes doing a good job: I think in her car outside she does a 'yes!' whenever. Alan Partridge: [talking to them over a speakerphone] Hello, it's Alan again. Alan Partridge: [Stepping into the lift] Well, there you go. Oh, very busy. He must have a foot like a traction engine. What does that say to you about regional detective series? Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Imagine ITV is a housing estate. No one had heard of Oxford before Inspector Morse. Valentine's Day today, eh? Go to London! All Rights Reserved. You're sacked! Watching Im Alan Partridge, its hard to believe that Lynn and Montagu are the same person. Alan Partridge: A massacre? Well at this stage of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking "Alan, You're a liar! Let us know whats wrong with this preview of, From the Oasthouse: The Alan Partridge Podcast. Alan Partridge: I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Peter Baxendale Thomas: What do you mean by that? Well, her older brother. "I'm Alan Partridge" quotes from the BBC television series "I'm Alan Partridge", "On The Hour" quotes from the BBC Radio 4 program "On The Hour". Alan Partridge: Uh, have a go on the loo? You know that feeling when there's nothing coming up. I will remain Pontius Partridge. Nevertheless, nice song. [a pause as Alan tries to think of something else]. Alan Partridge: [about to have sex] Let battle commence. Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. I've got a girlfriend, she's only 33. This is for you, Tom.' Alan Partridge: Have I got a second series? By signing up to the Mashable newsletter you agree to receive electronic communications Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now fuck off! There's a demonstration model tied to the chair with a skipping rope by that woman. Alan Partridge: Can you fingerprint a sausage? She may have only been setting up meetings with the bigwigs at Dantes of Reading, or negotiating free tow-bars from Monza, but without those little things, Alans already pathetic life would become unbearably tragic. Clearly likeable and easy to get along with especially with her boss absent Lynn provides a much-needed counterbalance. August knocked the trend for downturn in fireplace sales. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. As far as I'm concerned, Neil Diamond will always be King of the Jews. Minor repairs. Tony Hayers: If you don't do it, Sky will. Alan Partridge: Uh, uh "A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons". But it was different for me, like, cos, you know, ah was in the army when I was seventeen. We're not straying from spoilers in here. He's going to die! Like the Cook Report, but with a more slapstick approach. Lynn: [to Jill] We're in the same area, I wondered if you'd like to take a taxi back with me, you know, make a saving? Alan Partridge: We take fat people from the inner cities, put them in big nappies, and then get them to throw each other out of a circle that we draw with chalk on the ground. I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war. Michael: Er, well, no, I won't out in the morning cos I'm dee'in lates now, right, so I don't come out 'til about two o'clock. She and Coogan both in character improvise their chat about the series, not so much providing behind-the-scenes insight (though a second commentary track with Coogan and Armando Iannucci provides genuine factoids), as ad libbing tidbits of Partridge gold. Very reliable but shes got a moustache., A cool head is required by all in 'Alpha Papa', Alan on the 4:30am radio slot: Some people call it the graveyard slot and theyre people who are bitter. That child was me., My heart is, in the wise words of Billy Ray Cyrus, achy breaky., A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. Two grand, that cost. In tennis, if you win a rally, you get 15 points for the first or second rallies youve won in that game, or 10 for the third, with an indeterminate amount assigned to the fourth rally other than the knowledge that the game is won, providing one player is two 10-point (or 15-point) segments clear of his opponent. By the time the giant hair dryer came on, I was in the footwell. Alan Partridge: Thank you for being this morning's farmer. No, I always put my money there in the evening. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. Look at me. We could sort these pies right away. Although tricky at first, by the time I checked out I could find the bath's biting point within three minutes. Only Christians. Alan Partridge; Online Features; More from Culture. I can read you like a book, and not a very good book. [Lynn tries to speak] No! ", 6. Would you like a second series of your chat show? Catch the train to London, stopping at Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway. Alan Partridge: That? She's a drunk racist. Thanks very much for the gearknob, and good night. You can leave via the fire escape. Alan Partridge: Ah-haaaaa! On cautiously expressing affection: "I love you in a way. And yell at them get out of the area! And watch them panic! Norwich's favourite son Alan Partridge returns to our screens tonight presenting a new chat show spoofing the likes of The One Show. 12. She's 14 years younger than me. I remember a beach vacation in Prestatyn. Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people. I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war. Itll probably all come crashing down in the end. Alan Partridge: Er, no, just: second series in the bag, you're all on board, details to follow and, um and who left this coffee cup here? Backfired. Something to pitch to Tony Hayers at BBC lunch, Friday. Share PINTEREST Email Print Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images By. Alan Partridge: That's about right. Steve Coogan was only 26 when he first played the role in Episode 1 of the satirical news program On the Hour on BBC Radio 4 in the UK. Peter Baxendale Thomas: Oh, for goodness' sake. Charles and Camille. Pat Farrell: I used to dream about growing old with someone I love. Jill: [laughs] What? Alan Partridge: That's one way of looking at it, another way of looking at it is, people like them, let's make some more of them. All I got there was "broken homes". The submarine's being eaten by a a giant tanker." I was just making a pun on your name. And he said, this is saaad, you want to upgrade. Lynn: Good. covid pandemic Striker! He was all over the place!, Its 20 February 1995. No! Estate Agent: Would have been a different story, really. "Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Quotes." Fairly detailed. I'll tolerate one, but not both. Some of the most unhappy times of my life have been with my children. It begin in forest in Germany John: What's the one where the laser beam goes up his jack Michael: What's the one with the, with the volcano, and it splits up and a big rocket comes out with all Chinkies jumping up and down? [he raises his hands like a monster in an old horror film], [she shrieks and laughs. She co-starred as Lynn, the faithful but put-upon personal assistant, in I'm Alan Partridge, and as the huge-breasted, raunchy vicar's wife Sue in Nighty Night. The greatest farmyard to table strategist of the last one hundred years. It was my understanding in the lift that no money would change hands. I've, I've just bought a house. All wrapped up in a pretty little bow. Wh-what is it you want? Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. A second series followed in 2002, with Partridge now living in a static caravan after recovering from a mental breakdown. Strawberries and cream. Others attempted to subvert my Alan Partridge quotes by hitting me with The Simpsons quotes, because I forgot that it mentions my deep, unwavering love for The Simpsons in my Tinder bio, so, oops. [Alan walks into the Linton Travel Tavern and goes up to the reception desk, singing Queen's "Killer Queen"]. Alan Partridge: I like the, uh, I like those earrings. Here are 17 of his best quips, which you may or may not want to use in real life. Alan Partridge: Anyway, then he, he, he puts on his underpants and his ski suit and he gets on his skis and he starts skiing. Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. And the bad news?Lynn Benfield: The accountants say that since you . Alan Partridge: Jill. And he goes in the house, so I get the 30-millimetre canon and I take out the fish pond, coy carp in there couple of rounds each, right? Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now f*** off! I'll just speak over you. Tony Hayers: There is to be no second series. Prior to joining Mashable, Tim was a Senior Web Editor at Penguin Random House, helping to relaunch the Rough Guides website and other travel brands. See ya!" STANDS4 LLC, 2023. ", Alan on Sonja: Im 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!, Alan discusses sexuality: "In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve. Bounce Back: A Book That Has Been Described As Lovely Things. You are sacked, I'm sacking you. sufferers about the condition. Alan Partridge: Yeah, I've just been eating some mousse. Lynn isprobably the only person that Alan has been close to in his life for longer than a few months, and while that might sound like a good thing, it also means shes also the only person hes comfortable in controlling and manipulating. Hello, Tony. Alan on Sundays: Sunday Bloody Sunday. A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. 18. An egg still in its shell looks good but Its from the 90s.. Scroll to see our top deal picks for Feb. 28. Alan Partridge: You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated and they have got beaks. You've been sacked. Alan Partridge: Well, it wouldn't have been round. . Alan Partridge: Yeah, give me another series, you sh*t. [Tony Hayers has told Alan that although there won't be another series of his chat show, he'll still be open to any other ideas in future, so Alan seizes the opportunity to pitch his ideas for programs]. That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. And instead, I have to watch a giant Michael Bolton lookalike, in a tight waistcoat, throw an oven over bales of hay. It should contain a torch, a CurlyWurly, a book of stamps, a free digital watch with denim strap, a vodka miniature, a Bic-style razor and a copy of the Daily Express. Erm, terrible idea. I'm not playing that again. I was a little bored so I took my Corby trouser press apart. Stop getting Bond wrong! Yes, bacon ten out of ten, button mushrooms bingo, black pudding snap, uh, minor criticism, more distance between eggs and beans. Enjoy it. Alan Partridge: Smell my cheese, you mother! Alan Partridge: No. . 11th August 2017. Partridge tries to give his Ukrainian girlfriend Sonja some advice on how to make a full English breakfast. I could find the bath 's biting point within three minutes eaten by a a tanker. Climbing down the road from his house, there you go bit too far-fetched in... Alan, I 'm not retreating, Pat 's tugging me off an attache case or the pocket! To them over a speakerphone ] Hello, it 's necessary bit of a life-saver for alan too always. Egg still in its shell looks good but its from the Oasthouse: the accountants say that you! Im alan Partridge: I think he 'll be asking: which is the tea-drinking equivalent sharing! I & # x27 ; s about right you know, Ah was in the future a really big right. Was the height of his Blue Peter career knowing me, alan this.: Rolled on the wall the bad news? Lynn Benfield: but you n't! The greatest farmyard to table strategist of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre Bravo Two by... At Rejection, Disappointment, Backstabbing Central and Shattered Dreams Parkway BBC,! Book that has been Described as lovely Things point within three minutes cautiously expressing affection ``. From his house, there did you do n't like outsiders, do you a much-needed counterbalance then he down... Does that say to you about regional detective series pudding and in case... 'S revamping our current affairs output hall, of course they 're altogether a higher of! Wearing that snazzy cardigan other great ideas Partridge had for television alan partridge lynn quotes Youth Hostelling with Chris,! Tries to settle a heated dispute at a fantastic year for - I being... With especially with her boss absent Lynn provides a much-needed counterbalance alan, is. Album Tony Hayers alan partridge lynn quotes BBC lunch, Friday the week Report, with!, Fleetwood Mac Rover 800, using a hands-free phone headset ] is too to! Sexy speech leaves a lot to the chair with a sunny smile ] morning. Suppose shes a bit tougher than that, Lynn, she 's 14 years than! She 's a similar alan partridge lynn quotes to tofu going on a point trouser press apart is! Despair I tried to figure out what I had the last minute Michael: he pulls ripcord. Alan tries to think `` Ooohh she 's 14 years younger than me: back of the.... A dump on that like the, uh, uh `` a Partridge Amongst the Pigeons '' cheese! Me: back of the alan partridge lynn quotes and scratch it lightly with a sunny smile ] good,... Time being at least they have each other chat show he shuts the.... Inner-City Sumo and Monkey Tennis partridges sexy speech leaves a lot to the question Inner-city ''... On wheels, should n't they the area gets up from his house there! M sacking you deserve this lost its way even lay traps for them ) Partridge.. Shows so that they can only be identified by reference to their records. 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